Mr. Bertram

Three minutes a day

A butler for the things no one teaches you.

Etiquette, wine, dress, and the canon, from a butler who has run great houses and seen everything.

Coming soon to the App Store

For iPhone. Free to begin; the membership is $7 a month or $60 a year.

“We begin at the table, because that is where most men are found out.”

Mr. Bertram, on the first lesson

The daily lesson

The rules everyone assumes you know.

Each day one lesson is set for you: what black tie actually means, how to read a wine list, who chooses the wine, what goes in the thank-you note. Then a real situation, and he tells you why, right or wrong.

The cards you miss come back until they stick. Three minutes, then he leaves you alone.

A lesson card: the invitation says black tie and you own a navy suit. A dinner jacket, and why

Fifteen courses

From the table to the toast, in three rooms.

The Table and the Cellar, Conduct, Dress, the Calendar and Ideas in the Hall. Letters, the House, the Bar, Food and Grooming in the Drawing Room. Art, Music, Travel, Sport and Speaking in the Study.

  • Nine hundred lessons, each checked against its sources
  • A two-minute placement skips what you already know
  • The rooms open as you go, never a wall: anything can be read
The Courses page: the Hall's five courses, each with its mark

The Canon

434 works worth knowing, and the sentence to say about each.

The books, films, operas, pictures and buildings that come up at dinner, on twenty-six shelves, with the paintings shown from the museums that hold them.

Say you've read it and answer for it, or read his summary and know enough for the evening.

Pride and Prejudice in the Canon, with Thomas Lawrence's portrait of the Carteret-Hardy sisters

The Passport

Your standing, subject by subject.

Four levels in every subject, Acquainted to Fluent, each one dated and signed with his line. You see how far you have come, and what the next entry asks. Ask him anything before the evening, and add an occasion: he'll rehearse you the night before.

A Passport page: The Table and the Cellar, Acquainted

Membership

Seven days as a guest of the house.

Free, always: the lesson set for you each day, every lesson to read, three questions a day to Bertram, and the whole Canon to browse. The membership opens the rest.

A year

$60
a year, after 7 days free. $5 a month.

By the month

$7
a month, after 7 days free.
Coming soon to the App Store